I laughed so much while reading this story that it gave me stomach cramps. Seriously, one cannot help but enjoy the smart and funny quips that pop up where you least expect them to. Follow Harry’s adventures as he manages to get himself kidnapped by a psychotic killer by the name Sirius Black, return to Hogwarts only to be labeled a lunatic, chase around the wrong rat and pick on a werewolf on a full moon night. It’s fun, it’s witty and it’s action-packed. Have fun!
Summary: AU third year. I must have a sign on my back that says psycho paths please attack me. I would not put it beyond Dudley to afix such a sign to me, but I doubt he could spell it accurately enough for a psycho to understand.
Find it at: FanFiction.Net
Excerpt: There was an alley behind me, and as I approached it, a dog whined. I should have backed up and gotten away, but as dogs usually bark at me rather then whine, I let curiosity get the better of me and took another step. Out of the shadows came the biggest dog I’d ever seen. It was almost a bear, another signal to run that I missed. The dog walked right up to me, and whined again. It was covered in thick black fir and had strange pale blue eyes. Its tail wagged.
A boy in my second grade class, Thomas, told me that if a dog wags its tail it’s being friendly and you should hold out your hand so it could smell you. He said when you hold out your hand you should make a fist so if the dog is only pretending to be friendly, it has a harder time biting your fingers off. Thomas then said “ouch” because my cousin Dudley shoved him aside so he could take a swing at me. Thomas and I didn’t talk much after that. Anyway I held out my hand to the dog and I supposed I passed the smell test. The dog licked my hand and I patted it on top of its head.
I don’t know what possessed me to like the dog. It was large and scary and smelled awful, but I guess it was just one of those stupid things I was talking about earlier. I went over to my school trunk and the dog followed me, tail swinging in the air like it was trying to get the attention of the 747 passing overhead. I thought the dog’s whining sounded hungry. On the train ride to and from school, there’s an old witch who sells sweets off a cart. I have more wizarding money then I know what to do with, so I always buy more junk food then I know what to do with. Usually my friend Ron and I eat most of it, but I remembered being a little too nauseous to finish off the last few cauldron cakes I’d purchased last June.